“Some?” How Korean and American Dating Are the Same But Different

There is a word floating around Korea that international audiences are quite curious about, the word some. Um, what? Some? You might be asking yourself. Are you talking about “a little bit”? No, though I definitely understand that.

“Some,” in Korean “썸,”  is actually a dating term that means you are kind of sort of seeing someone, though not exclusively. But it could grow to be exclusive, which could still mean “some.” I know, confusing, right? As with all dating terms, it can get quite complicated on a real-life level.

Not to fret, we are going to break down what “some” means along with the difference between dating life in America and Korea. You might be surprised by how different it can be!

Dating Companies (Matchmakers) vs. Dating Apps

First, let’s get started on how people go about getting a date. As in America, Koreans often use dating apps to chat with potential men or women online before meeting in person. However, Koreans have one more service that Americans are not as privy to: matchmakers.

You may have seen matchmakers used in Korean dramas. The first time I saw one was in “My Lovely Sam Soon” when 30-year-old  Sam Soon went to a matchmaker at 30 years old as her last shot to find true love; or “Matchmakers Lover” when a divorce lawyer and a matchmaker fall in love. Though matchmaking is still used often in Korea to help find dates, the newer generation has moved on to Sogaeting. 

Sogaeting vs. Blind Dates

Sogaeting (소개팅) in Korea is another way people go about dating. It is quite similar to blind dating in America in that either one or both people have not met each other before the date began. However, sogaeting has “levels.” There is the friendly “set me up with your friend” sogaeting, the matchmaking type sogaeting where a dating company arranges a meeting with someone, and the more serious type of sogaeting which is the kind your family sets you up on. In other words, marriage sogaeting (Kids, try and avoid this type of sogaeting situation).

In America, casual blind dates are quite common, though I would say it is not as part of the culture of American society as sogaeting is. In fact, in America, if you say you are going on a blind date you might get a reaction like “Really? Are you sure? Should I call you with an “emergency” halfway through?” They are just not as common. What is common in America are “situationships” which in Korea could be referred to as “some”.

“Some” vs. “Situationships”

And now we are at that promised part of the article, “some.” “Some” is such a fascinating all-encompassing word when it comes to dating. In its simplest form, it means you are hanging out with someone, but it is not serious or exclusive. In America, we might call this “keeping it casual” or “talking.”

However, these “keeping it casual” situations often slowly develop into “situationships” which is that middling situation when you aren’t sure how the other person really feels about you. Are they keeping it casual because they like seeing other people or are they keeping it casual to seem cool and not pressure you into a relationship? It can all be so murky! Which is why it’s called a situationship and not a relationship.

The best thing to do in this situation is to flat out ask, which could lead to the next step of “some” which is “some-tada” or exclusive dating.

“Some-tada” or Exclusive

Some-tada is that lovely moment in a relationship when the butterfly feelings of almost becoming boyfriend or girlfriend arrive. This is the stage of a relationship when you are only dating that one other person and no one else, but you are not out in the open about your relationship to other people, which means you are not officially boyfriend or girlfriend.

In America, we would call this being exclusive. Being exclusive or being in some-tada is still a testing-of-the-water stage of dating. It is the stage when you like this person enough to not date other people, but you are still not quite sure if you want to openly express your feelings for them to the world when you could call it quits a couple weeks later after you find out they don’t like vanilla glazed donuts. (Just kidding! How can that kind of person even exist?)

Being stuck in “some” or “some-tada” can be frustrating because you might be bursting at the seams to let the world know you are an item! Why do you have to keep it a secret? Does he really like you or is he, gasp, embarrassed to be seen in public with you? This could drive a person crazy, which is why we all love that heart-fluttering moment of declaration in K-dramas: Day 1.

Day 1 vs. Official

Day 1 is the official first day of dating for couples in Korea. Sadly, there is nothing in America that has quite the same impact as a man or woman saying “today is Day 1” which is why my heart always gets all giggly when I hear it in K-dramas. It is a strong declaration of “like.”

This situation is the same as being official in America, meaning that you tell your friends that you and your beau are officially dating. Be prepared for the oohs and ahhs to follow. In Korea, this could lead to the gift of a couple ring, which you have probably seen in many K-dramas, because couple rings are a symbol of being official. So are couple t-shirts, couple bags, and couple outfits. It is actually quite common to tell just which two people are official in Korea due to all the “couple things” that are about.

Though these “couple things” are amazingly prevalent in Korea, we do not have this in America. I’m talking zip, zilch, nada. It just doesn’t happen. What we do have in America are public displays of affection (holding hands, kissing, cuddling) which is the only way to know two people are dating unless they flat out tell you. Though public displays of affection are not common in Korea, you can tell a couple is dating from clear across the street by their matching pink couple sweaters, which is super adorable, to say the least.

So, do you have a better idea of what “some” is now? Do you know of any other differences between Korean and American dating? Let us know in the comments! And if you want to see some great romantic K-dramas with many of these aforementioned romantic situations, then I recommend: “20th Century Boy and Girl,” “My Love From Another Star“, “Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo,” “Fight For My Way,” “Suspicious Partner,” and “My Girlfriend is a Gumiho.” All are available to stream right now on KOCOWA! Start your free trial today!